I always considered psychedelics scary and dangerous. The fear of losing control or having a “bad trip” made me never want to try these drugs. But in 2018, I listened to a Sam Harris podcast with Michael Pollen, author of the book How To Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence. I subsequently read the book and… changed my mind.
Pollen wrote about a resurgence of research on the therapeutic potential of psychedelics, after a 40 year hiatus thanks to the “War on Drugs”, and initial results were promising. In combination with therapy, classic psychedelics like LSD, psilocybin or mescaline seemed to benefit people with serious mental problems like depression, anxiety, and addiction.
Classic psychedelics activate serotonin receptors in the brain, particularly the 5-HT2A receptor. Well-known ones include LSD, Psilocybin (in magic mushrooms and magic truffles), DMT (the active ingredient in Ayahuasca) and Mescaline (in certain cacti species like Peyote).
Furthermore, with the right precautions, psychedelics didn’t have to be dangerous. They are not addictive, don’t have a lethal dose, and the chances of a bad trip – when you’re careful – are smaller than I thought.
Intriguingly, Pollen described experiences that people had on psychedelics – including himself – that were utterly fascinating.
Magic truffle retreat in The Netherlands
A few months later I decided to give psychedelics a try myself. Still apprehensive, I choose to do it on a magic truffle retreat in The Netherlands, where I live. The retreat format would have the advantage of providing a safe space with experienced guides present for me to test it out. Furthermore, magic truffles (containing psilocybin) are legal in The Netherlands so I wasn’t breaking any law.
After some online research, I booked a 3 day retreat with Synthesis near Amsterdam. (Unfortunately Synthesis stopped operations in 2023 and is now a different organization). With a price tag of €1.750 the retreat wasn’t cheap, but it looked professionally organised and was at a beautiful location in Zandvoort at the Dutch coast, in a former church converted to a retreat center.
There were 13 participants who had come from all over Europe and the U.S., and 4 experienced guides. The first day of the retreat program was about getting to know everyone, discussing our reasons for doing the retreat, and doing some meditation and trust-building exercises. The second day we did a breathwork workshop in the morning and in the afternoon it was time for, what was called, the psilocybin ceremony. The last day of the retreat was intended for “integration” where you process your experiences from the previous day and discuss them with the others.
When it was time for the ceremony, we got together in the large retreat room where the guides had created a spiritual, even solemn, atmosphere. They were all dressed in white clothing, relaxing music was played over the sound system, and the subtle smell of incense was in the air. Some spiritual objects decorated the room and everyone had their own mattress, blanket and pillow on the ground. Being a down-to-earth guy, settings like these are not really my kind of thing, but I can’t deny that it made the moment feel more special than it otherwise would have been.
When everything was ready, all participants consumed a high dose of High Hawaiians magic truffles (30 g in my case). Then we put on a “mindfold” (a blindfold under which you can keep your eyes open), laid down, and waited for the show to begin.
The experience of the journey itself is hard to put into words – a psychedelic trip is often considered ineffable – but let me give it a try.
My inner journey was intense, extremely bizarre, and at times very emotional or incredible peaceful. It started after about 30 minutes by seeing fractal-like patterns under my mindfold. When I temporarily took it off, I saw bright colours “escaping” from other people’s faces and from everyday objects. Normally meaningless visual details like the little scars scars on my hands, the label of my water bottle or an ordinary tree in front of the window became super intriguing. At times I experienced intense feelings of sadness interspersed with feelings of peace at a level I didn’t know even existed.
After about 2 hours I was asked by one of the guides if I wanted an extra 20 grams of truffles, called a “booster”, making my total dose a whopping 50 grams. I still remember hearing myself answer “Yes please” and at the same time thinking “What am I doing? I’m in no state to decide this!” and finding this really funny at the same time.
The music from the carefully curated playlist strongly influenced the visuals and emotions. Happy music could make you euphoric, sad music could make you infinitely sad. At one point I lost the concept of time and space and forgot where I was.
In short, the whole experience was, and this must sounds cliché, but I can’t find a better word, mind-blowing. It lasted no less than 9 hours.
Afterwards, it was clear that most participants had a deep and emotional experience, but all with totally different content. Some had experienced a rebirth, others had intense memories of family events or past trauma, some experienced ultimate bliss and love. It was fascinating to hear all personal stories and insights the next day.
Set, setting and dose
At the retreat, the organizers had tried to create an environment to maximize the impact of the magic truffles for self-exploration, insights, and therapeutic benefits. They did this by managing the set, setting and dose, which are the three dials you can turn to influence a psychedelic experience.
Set is the mindset you have when taking the substance, like how relaxed you are, how safe you feel, and what your intentions and expectations are of the psychedelic journey. At the retreat this was addressed by first getting to know everyone, discussing our intentions, explaining the ceremony of the next day, and doing some trust-building exercises.
Setting is the environment where the journey takes place. It includes the physical location, the people that are present, and the general atmosphere. The retreat center for instance was a peaceful place, comfortable and tastefully decorated. The guides were welcoming and open, and made people feel at ease sharing their personal stories. The psilocybin ceremony was carefully planned.
Finally the dose of a psychedelic obviously has a large influence on the experience. A small dose typically only has mild effects like subtle color distortions and lasts maybe 2-3 hours. A high dose can lead to overwhelming emotions, visuals and insights and can last three times as long.
When I think about it, I find it surprising that the set and the setting have such a large effect on the psychedelic experience. Like with regular drugs, I would expect the chemicals to do their work no matter what you’re thinking or where you are. Of course, with medicines there is the well known placebo effect where the patient’s belief and expectation can influence a drug’s effectiveness, which is a fascinating phenomenon too if you ask me. Maybe the effects of set and setting are a similar mechanism.
More journeys
After my magic truffle retreat I decided to do more experimenting and I’ve taken psychedelics eight more times in the last four years. Besides psilocybin I’ve tried 1P-LSD (a variant of LSD that is considered a “research chemical” and can be legally bought in The Netherlands) and I’ve experimented with different dosages. I’ve taken psychedelics at home with a sober “trip sitter” present (someone to keep an eye on you) and alone, I’ve gone on two psychedelic weekend trips in the woods with friends, and I’ve done two more magic truffle retreats in Netherlands with another organization called Essence.
My reasons for taking the journeys were mostly self-exploration, curiosity and trying to improve my mood.
Most trips resulted in personal insights. Typically, these are ideas that don’t sound anything special in daily life, but which were overwhelmingly convincing during my journeys. Recurring insight themes included the complexity and amazingness of existence, the need to stop worrying so much about things and just be nice to others.
Unfortunately, insights fade from memory after after a journey, so it’s good to remind yourself so now and then. And similar with mood. It typically improves after a trip, but unfortunately wears off again the following days and weeks.
Finally, I’ve also tried microdosing. This is when you take a very low dose of a psychedelic, about every three days. The dose is so low that you can go about your day as normal. Some people doing this reported improvements in their mood, energy, or creativity, but I personally didn’t notice anything. Furthermore, the little research that has been done on microdosing suggests that the reported benefits could be pure the placebo effect.
If you want to give it try too
If you’ve become curious and would like to try psychedelics yourself, here are some tips.
The main one is be careful because these are powerful drugs! If you have a history of schizophrenia, another psychotic disorder, or being bipolar, it’s best to avoid them altogether because they might be able to trigger an episode in that case.
Furthermore, like described above, the set, setting and dose will have a strong effect on your experience. I believe that the less control you have over the set and the setting, the lower the dose should be.
For a truly therapeutic application of psychedelics (e.g. against depression or addiction), you would have to combine them with psychological therapy. It’s this combination, where the psychedelic functions as a sort of therapy katalyst, that seems to be effective. There are clinical trials going on in multiple countries like the U.S., U.K. and The Netherlands, researching this. Unfortunately these therapies are not available yet to the general public as far as I know (unless you manage to get into one of these trials).
A psychedelic retreat is more accessible and can have mild therapeutic benefits too I believe. For a retreat however you have to go to one of the countries where these are legal and a high-quality retreat can be expensive. (The three 3-day retreats I did in Netherlands all were around €1.500 – €2.000). On the upside, you will have experienced guides present and the set and setting should be well managed. An additional benefit can be that you won’t be journeying alone and it will be more of a shared experience.
Much cheaper than a retreat will be organising something yourself, with friends or alone. In any case, it’s a good idea to have a sober trip sitter present who you trust and who will keep an eye on things, especially when taking psychedelics for the first time or when taking a high dose.
Finally, if you decide to take psychedelics in a party setting like a at a festival or concert, it’s wise to be extra careful with the dose. It’s also convenient in that case to have a safe and quiet place available nearby where you can retreat to when things get too much. Finally, it’s good to realise that the experience of an “outward” trip on a party (walking around, interacting with others) will be very different from an “inward” trip (with your eyes closed) that you would have on a retreat.
Example: self-exploration journey at home
Let’s say you want to take psychedelics at home for self-exploration or just out of curiosity. Here are three tips for such a session with magic truffles.
1. Preparation
It’s smart to plan your session in the weekend, e.g. on a Saturday, so you got at least one day after your journey to recover before you return to work. Also make sure you won’t be needed or disturbed on your trip day and that there’s not much drama going on in your life at that moment.
If you have a specific reason for taking psychedelics, it’s a good idea to write them down (your intentions). After your journey you can see if you learned anything. Discussing things afterwards with a good friend can give more clarity.
Music can greatly enhance the whole trip experience so it’s a good idea to prepare a long playlist with relaxing music (see some examples below at the links).
Finally, during the journey, I would have the following nearby: a comfortable place to lie down (e.g. your bed), a bottle of water, some food, a blindfold, and a bucket in case you get nauseous.
2. Magic truffles
I’m using magic truffles for these tips because they are legal in The Netherlands where I live. This means that you can easily buy them there (in a smart shop or online) and you know exactly what you’re getting. If you’re using another psychedelic, try to make sure that you got the right substance and dose. In Netherlands you can get your drugs tested anonymously for this purpose.
In a smart shop there typically are about 8 different types of magic truffles available. I personally only have experience with High Hawaiians (Psilocybe Tampanensis) and Atlantis (Psilocybe Atlantis), and to be honest, I didn’t notice any difference. A box typically contains about 22 g truffles and costs about €23.
Dose indication:
| Less than 1 g | Microdose |
| 1 g | You start to feel something |
| 5 – 10 g | Light |
| 10 -15 g | Medium |
| 15 – 20 g | Heavy |
| 25+ g | Very heavy |
On my retreats, most participants were given 40 to 50 grams of magic truffles (about two boxes!) and this obviously is a very high dose. You’re guaranteed mental fireworks in that case, but the set and setting have to be carefully managed in that case. For a first time experiment at home, a medium dose (10 – 15 g) would be saver.
In order not to blunt the effect, it’s best to take the truffles on an empty stomach. Many people don’t like the taste, so eating a high dose can be a bit of a challenge. At my last retreat in 2023, the guides brewed a tea from the truffles which tasted much better.
After ingestion, you can expect to start feeling something after 20 to 30 minutes. The peak experience will be after 2-3 hours, and you should expect effects to last at least 6 hours. It’s estimated that 1 gram of magic truffles contains about 1.5 mg of psilocybin. See the chart below for the time-course of the effect of psilocybin for different dosages.
3. During and after the journey
I think the optimal mindset during a journey is one where you surrender to the experience and not fight it. On one of my retreats, the guides advised to “turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream”.
Physical effects during a journey can include a little nausea at the beginning, some sweating, a reduced appetite, and pupil dilation. After a journey it’s not uncommon to experience a light headache.
Psychological effects during a journey can include seeing visual illusions like radiant colours, objects and surfaces appearing to ripple or “breathe”, crawling geometric patterns on walls and morphing objects. You also might feel joy, euphoria and feel like laughing. There can be intense emotions and crying, forgotten memories may resurface and you might get impressively bizarre thoughts.
The impact of music during a journey is greatly enhanced. With higher dosages your sense of time and space can disappear, and you can even experience a mystical experience or ego death in which you might feel one with the universe or even like you don’t exist anymore.
The day after your journey, it can be helpful to make notes of your experience and insights, talk about it with someone you trust, and think about possible changes you might want to make in your life when necessary.
Then there is the possibility of the dreaded bad trip. I don’t believe there is a black and white difference between a regular psychedelic trip and a bad one, but more a spectrum from pleasant to more and more challenging to truly bad. With the proper set and setting, and a reasonable dose, chances of this last scenario are small.
What’s a bad trip like? I’ve never had one myself, but what I understand from others is that people can experience extremely negative emotions, irrational fears, anxiety and even panic attacks. There might be rapid mood swings, intrusive thoughts of hopelessness, and even suicidal ideas.
What to do if someone gets a bad trip? Here the presence of a trip sitter is crucial. He or she can comfort the person having the bad trip, keep things safe and explain that psychedelics were ingested and that the effects will wear off in a few hours.
Conclusion
Psychedelics are powerful drugs that should be treated with respect. With the right precautions however they are relatively save, can be mood enhancing, provide you with new insights and even seem to have therapeutic benefits. Personally, my biggest take away from these substances is that they can make you see the world in a radical new light, at least temporarily, and this opens a window for possible change.
Unfortunately, most psychedelics are still illegal in the world and I wish this would change. Legalization would make the buying process more save and would get rid of all the surrounding criminality. They should be strictly regulated however in my opinion, like alcohol and tobacco. For instance, psychedelics shouldn’t be sold to minors, you shouldn’t be allowed to participate in traffic when under influence, and buyers should be provided with ample safety information.
Fortunately, there seems to be a change in the air. The surge of psychedelic research and publications like How To Change Your Mind have even started what some call the psychedelic renaissance. First steps in decriminalization have already been taken. For instance in the U.S., Oregon legalised psilocybin for therapeutic use in 2020 and Colorado followed in 2022. And last year Australia legalised psilocybin and MDMA for treating mental health conditions too. Let’s hope this trend continues.
Links
Michael Pollen’s book “How To Change Your Mind” grew out of reporting he did about psychedelic psychotherapy in 2015 for the New Yorker, called The Trip Treatment.
In 2022, Pollen’s Netflix docuseries How To Change Your Mind came out.
In 2018, British filmmaker Rebecca Coxon went on a magic truffle retreat similar to mine, had comparable experiences, and wrote an informative article about it for Huffpost.
One of the world’s leading research institutions dedicated to psychedelics: Johns Hopkins University’s Center for Psychedelic and Consciousness Research.
Some music playlists examples on Spotify especially created for a psychedelic journey: Synthesis Immersion, Essence Institute, and Johns Hopkins: Classical Music.
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